Monkey alert
No, really, that was the official subject. Below, for your delectation, a leaked Embassy communique.
The gentleman who forwarded it to me included the helpful advice that walking a langur on a leash was also highly effective, but warned that langurs don't come cheap.
Me, I'm more worried about the grammatical error in the first guideline than I am about the monkeys. If we don't maintain our standards, how will we be able to tell when the monkeys start to circulate counterintelligence? But I suppose we can take some small comfort in the fact that if gangs of monkeys are roaming the streets of Delhi, at least they're monkeys that -- v.i. paragraph 2 -- hold down jobs.
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AMERICAN EMBASSY, INDIA
STAFF NOTICE
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New Delhi, India
May 4, 2006
Note No. 06 – 064 - MGT
Subject: MONKEY ALERT
Distribution: ALL NEW DELHI PERSONNEL
The city of New Delhi is experiencing problems with monkeys. Municipal authorities are aware of the problem and are attempting to move the monkeys out of the city.
We have been informed of a recent incident in the Malcha Marg area where a gang of monkeys tried to attack an Embassy employee while walking to work.
Until the monkeys have been relocated and the situation is controlled we should all be vigilant and follow the guidelines below:
1) Do not provide food or throw anything to the monkey's.
2) Do not react angrily – stay away from them.
3) If you feel threatened, walk away or back away but do not run.
4) The best solution is to avoid any contact with them.
5) Report all incidents to Management. In the event of a bite, the wound should be thoroughly cleansed with soap and water for at least 10 minutes. Notify the health unit of the incident immediately.
The gentleman who forwarded it to me included the helpful advice that walking a langur on a leash was also highly effective, but warned that langurs don't come cheap.
Me, I'm more worried about the grammatical error in the first guideline than I am about the monkeys. If we don't maintain our standards, how will we be able to tell when the monkeys start to circulate counterintelligence? But I suppose we can take some small comfort in the fact that if gangs of monkeys are roaming the streets of Delhi, at least they're monkeys that -- v.i. paragraph 2 -- hold down jobs.
----------------------------------
AMERICAN EMBASSY, INDIA
STAFF NOTICE
----------------------------------
New Delhi, India
May 4, 2006
Note No. 06 – 064 - MGT
Subject: MONKEY ALERT
Distribution: ALL NEW DELHI PERSONNEL
The city of New Delhi is experiencing problems with monkeys. Municipal authorities are aware of the problem and are attempting to move the monkeys out of the city.
We have been informed of a recent incident in the Malcha Marg area where a gang of monkeys tried to attack an Embassy employee while walking to work.
Until the monkeys have been relocated and the situation is controlled we should all be vigilant and follow the guidelines below:
1) Do not provide food or throw anything to the monkey's.
2) Do not react angrily – stay away from them.
3) If you feel threatened, walk away or back away but do not run.
4) The best solution is to avoid any contact with them.
5) Report all incidents to Management. In the event of a bite, the wound should be thoroughly cleansed with soap and water for at least 10 minutes. Notify the health unit of the incident immediately.
1 Comments:
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Anonymous said...
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- 1:30 AM
Post a CommentDear Mr. E:
Now, I know what you are going to say: What's this got to do with British women being able to nurse in public? Well, I can't say for sure--that is between Google and its god.
But be that as it may, I am confused by this article. Do the monkeys walk to work (as per the embassy release), or do they take the train (as per yahoo)? No doubt the monkeys take the train, and then walk to the embassy and report for their jobs.
Incidently, who is the lead monkey that supervises all the other monkeys? I ask for information purposes only.
Until the door catches me in the cyberass, I remain:
Bill Roth
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